Pain and Suffering; Life Wisdom from Pema Chodron

In just a few hours I’ll be heading up to Spirit Rock meditation center in the hills of northern California, where I’ll be going into a 20-day silent meditation retreat. I’ll be away from email and internet (and all forms of communication) until August, so I wanted to drop a quick note before I go. This time, I’ll just leave you with some words of wisdom from the wonderful and wise Pema Chodron, who has the lovely skill of cutting through the BS to tell us what we need to hear, rather than what we want to hear. Here’s Pema:

Instead of asking ourselves, ‘How can I find security and happiness?’ we could ask ourselves, ‘Can I touch the center of my pain? Can I sit with suffering, both yours and mine, without trying to make it go away? Can I stay present to the ache of loss or disgrace-disappointment in all its many forms-and let it open me?’

So often, particularly in our society, with our quick fixes and instant gratification, we think that we shouldn’t be feeling pain, we shouldn’t be feeling discomfort or loss or disappointment. That if we are experiencing something unpleasant, it must mean we’re doing something wrong.

Here Pema reminds us to go against the stream of our evolved and conditioned reactions – grasping after what’s pleasant and running from what’s unpleasant – and to instead see if we can make room for it all, allowing everything to arise, with a compassionate and kind awareness.

Pema continues:

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Can we stay present for our pain, as well as our joy? Can we simply be compassionate to ourselves and to others for the suffering that exists, rather than spending all our energy wishing it weren’t this way? Of course, this doesn’t mean being complacent, or letting people walk all over us (click here for an article I wrote on how to be more accepting without becoming a pushover).. It just means acknowledging the truth of the present moment, with kindness and equanimity.

Finally, Pema offers up a humorous take on what it’s like to be human:

We are like children building a sand castle. We embellish it with beautiful shells, bits of driftwood, and pieces of colored glass. The castle is ours, off limits to others. We’re willing to attack if others threaten to hurt it. Yet despite all our attachment, we know that the tide will inevitably come in and sweep the sand castle away. The trick is to enjoy it fully but without clinging, and when the time comes, let it dissolve back into the sea.

May you enjoy your days fully, and also have the grace and wisdom to let go when the tide comes.