Pleasure is inevitable, happiness is optional.

You may have come across the saying

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

And if you’re like me, that idea might have made a strong impact on you. To realize you can be experiencing pain, but that you don’t have to suffer because of it. To understand that suffering, or dissatisfaction, or discontentment, is a product of how we’re relating to pain or discomfort.

All too often we get caught in this constant running away from anything that is unpleasant or painful. But meditation we learn how to sit with our pain. To lessen our resistance to it, and in doing so, experience the peace and ease of equanimity, of a non-reactive mind.

Today I want to talk about the sister of the idea above. It’s an idea that doesn’t get as much playtime in our society, and that is this:

Pleasure is inevitable, happiness is optional

I came up with that all by myself, and yes, I’m quite proud of it!

In our society today, it’s practically guaranteed that you have direct access to pleasure almost whenever you want it. Fatty foods, sugary snacks and beverages, exciting TV shows and movies, and highly addictive internet pornography, just to name a few.

Pleasure is literally at your fingertips, just the click of a button or opening your fridge. If you are reading this, you know what I’m talking about. Pleasure is everywhere.

Does pleasure bring happiness?

I could try to answer this for you, but much better if you investigate for yourself.

Look into your own life. Think of the last thing that you craved or desired because you wanted to experience the pleasure it would bring. After experiencing the moments of pleasantness that the object brought, how much did it do for your lasting happiness? How much did it contribute to your sense of inner fulfillment or wellbeing?

My guess is, not a whole lot. Generally we need to keep going back to the pleasure troves, we need to keep pressing the buttons to give us that temporary sensation of goodness.

I’m not saying pleasure isn’t important. It is. A life without pleasure is difficult, and pleasure is so very nice to enjoy. But what I’m saying is that, despite what movies and social media might tell us, having a life filled with more and more pleasure, won’t actually make you happier.

I experienced this in my own life in college. Back then I was quite an indulgent hedonist. I partied, I drank, I slept around, I ate rich and tasty food. But at the end of the day, I still felt empty inside. All that pleasure could never fill the emptiness I felt in my heart.

Which brings me back to my original point. In this sugar-filled, digital age, pleasure is surely inevitable, but happiness is optional. Happiness depends on other things. Like community, contentment, appreciation, compassion, and generosity.

Do you struggle with the pleasure trap? What brings you happiness?