Let's Talk About Objectifying Women
Let me share something that is SUPER uncomfortable for me to share publicly.
One of the main reasons I decided to give up porn is because it was becoming clear to me that I WAS BEING A TOTAL CREEP.
It wasn’t just in my head. I wasn’t being “sly” about checking out women at cafes. It wasn’t charming or endearing. And it wasn’t making anyone feel good (that’s putting it lightly).
One of the number one reasons I had to stop watching porn is because I realized if I don’t fix my OWN issues around the *objectification* of women, I would NEVER be able to have the kind of loving and caring relationship I so secretly desired.
I knew I didn’t want to be a creepy 70-year old man who was hitting on college girls, but that’s where I was headed if I kept up with my porn habit.
Because of porn, women had (primarily) became objects of sex to me. It’s impossible to watch hours of porn every night, for years on end, and NOT have it affect how you view women (or whatever gender you’re into).
Of course I KNEW better…
My mom raised me better than that. So did my female friends throughout college and grad school. I’ve been blessed to have strong women around me all my life calling me out on my bullshit. (They still do it to this day, thankfully, and it makes me a better person) Thank you to everyone who calls me out on my blind spots. (Please continue to do it with love).
I’ve always considered myself a supporter of women and female empowerment. I try my best to be an ally. But I also know I have blindspots. Huge ones.
My own objectification of women was a blindspot that I didn’t start seeing until I was 19 or 20. By then, my brain had been hardwired pretty deeply to see an attractive woman and jump straight to thoughts of sex and lust. It’s been years of recovery and hard work to even get myself somewhat out of that hole, and goodness knows I still have more work to do.
I’m not perfect, and I know that I still cause harm with my sexual energy from time to time.
But I’m sharing this because I want to help, and I know that if you join me, we can start making this world a better, and safer, place.
I know there are some of you out there that aren’t feeling fulfilled in your relationships. You’re not feeling like a man of integrity. You might not know why, or you might realize that it’s related to how you view and treat women, and how much lust you have in your heart. I’m not judging. I know exactly what it’s like to be there.
But that healthy relationship you’re seeking is never going to become a reality if you’re viewing your partners primarily as objects to satisfy your sexual desires, and only secondarily as a human being with thoughts and feelings.
If you want to break free from the cultural and systemic oppression of women, if you want to NOT just be a slave to your own sexual cravings, if you want to be a person of SANCTUARY and SERVICE, then it starts by watching what you’re ingesting and what mental energy you’re feeding. If you’re feeding yourself sex videos day and night, that’s what’s going to be on your mind.
If you’re with me, there’s still time to catch the training I’m doing, Self-Mastery Essentials, in the group Authentic Self-Mastery: Fulfillment Through Healthy Sexuality where you can start to learn the key habits for stepping out of your own bullshit.
The world needs better men. That can’t happen until we stop objectifying women as sex objects.
I’m not saying porn is bad for everyone, but if you’re like I was, and you “can’t help” but see women primarily as sexual objects, then porn sure as hell ain’t helping!
Join me in the discussion friends. And feel free to point out anything you don’t like about this post. Don’t like the photo I chose? Tell me why. Don’t like the words I’m using? Let me know how to phrase it better. Think porn is great and we should encourage it? Explain yo’self!
Let’s get the conversations started. 🔥